Not For The Weak Of Stomach

I'll just say it, Texas hasn't been my favorite place thus far on the tour. It has proved to be very entertaining at times (see San Angelo pictures), boring at times (also see San Angelo), but the last week and half have been getting better. Just in time to leave Texas.

San Antonio.

This was a wonderful stop on our list of cities. We played a beautiful theatre on Sunday and then got to spend the rest the week (until Thursday) in the city. If you have never been to San Antonio then I would suggest a trip. The River Walk itself is very fun to visit and gorgeous to be a part of. I could have walked up and down that place everyday. The food was great and the atmosphere was killer. We also stopped by the Alamo. I don't remember much from that but NEXT to the Alamo was this wonderful little tourist place that caught our eye. At first it seemed like the most gimmicky place that was just out to steal our money. But the guy was good at his job and convinced us to pay the $12 to get in. So, on one side was a mirror maze and the other was a bank vault. The mirror maze is just that. A massive maze made completely of mirrors and flashing lights and everything. You put on plastic gloves and walk with your hands in front of you. I have never had anything screw with my mind more. You think you're seeing something, and then no. It's fake. Once you go through once, they give you 3D glasses and you head back in. You mind as well take Acid before you go in. It got real crazy. Scary. Awesome. Let the imagination run wild. It was so fun. Next was the bank vault. There were 4 levels from Easy to Expert. When you walk in, like a bank vault (I assume), a bunch of lasers appear and its your job to get to the other side breaking as few as possible. The kicker is that there is a video on the outside so the others can watch you look like an idiot trying to crawl through. Needless to say it was the greatest $12 and two hours of the tour thus far. (That may be an exaggeration but you get my point).

Day trip to El Paso

Usually our buses only travel at night, but for a bunch of reasons we left San Antonio at 12pm and headed to El Paso (an 8 hour drive). This would usually really upset me because I hate driving. But this particular trip actually ended up being rather enjoyable. I forget how nice we have it on the bus cause i'm usually stuck in my bunk trying to sleep on a rocking horror bus, but actually being awake and using the wifi, tv's, dish, bathroom, fridge etc was kinda fun. I guess it's not the worst way to travel.

El Paso

Basically Mexico. There is no need to visit here.


Story Time - Not For The Weak Of Stomach


As you may have gathered from my touring experience thus far, the bus rides all put one thing very heavily on our mind. Bowel movements. And for whatever reason, a large chunk of our cast (myself included) have been struggling with finding......regularity. Anyways, I am exceptionally lactose intolerant and it seems to be getting worse daily. I can usually handle small amounts if I am careful and take certain precautions afterwards. So, we are doing 2 shows in San Antonio. After the first show we headed to catering to find a wonderful array of homemade tacos that we could build ourselves. Delighted, I head to make myself 1-6 tacos. At the end was the usual, salsa, guacamole and sour cream. Thinking that I am doing wonderfully in the shows today I decide I deserve a LITTLE sour cream on my taco. What I did not take into consideration was that by putting a LITTLE sour cream on all 8 tacos, I was actually ingesting half the bowl. I haven't passed a math class in years. Give me a break.
Catering concludes as scheduled and we head back into makeup and costuming for one more show.  About halfway through the first act, the rumbling starts. First just casual "after dinner" stomach settlings, gradually progressing to "exceeds expectations". At about 10 minutes to intermission, I knew I was in trouble. The stomach was a going and the farts were a comin. With every step came the anxiety of what could happen when my foot hit the ground. In the last scene of the first act, the whole cast comes out to greet the royal family and Sophia tells us her gift for the Friendship Festival which ends of being a rousing musical number, aka, my current worst nightmare. The song begins and I am sweating bullets. I have escape routes planned and am beginning to work up how this speech to the costumers, telling them I soiled my costume on stage, is going to go. At the end of the number we all stand in a line, belting our hearts out as the curtain slowly closes. As soon as those tips touched I was down for the count and old lady speed walking to the dressing room. I yelled at the dresser to get my out of this damn thing and threw my costume into the crate, grabbed my robe, tossed it around me like a backwards coat and headed across the hall to the makeup rooms and bathroom. What happened next isn't anything i'm proud of or need to recount for you. It was a mess......but.....I made it. It had to be the scariest 30 minutes of my life. I was sure I was going to have to quit this tour and move home to live in the basement in shame. On the bright side, how many people can say they literally almost shit their pants on stage in a Disney Show?


Well there ya have it. We are currently on the bus and heading for a day stop in Arlington then we head to Arkansas for a couple days! I'm ready to be done with Texas and am excited to be slowly making our way back to Florida! Some beach time is definitely needed! I hope all is well back home and to whoever is reading this. I love receiving mail and will always respond so please find a way to get my address if you want! I have a lot of time on my hands and would make a great pen pal!

One last thing, I shall be going on a "social media fast" for 3 days from Tuesday-Thursday of this week. The only thing I am allowing is this blog site so I can keep you updated on the process and the expected withdrawals that are bound to happen. Should be a good time all around. Stay tuned.

Much love.

The King